123 Main Street
Penticton, British Columbia,
V2A 3W1

May 25, 2011

Mr. Kleats
PE Teacher
123 Main Street,
Sportstown, British Columbia
V2A 1W3

Dear Mr. Kleats,

My name is Shanelle Matthews, the parent of Lucifer Matthews, who is in your soccer class. I know you're almost always busy, but I feel it's necessary to address my concerns. I've attended a fair amount of practices and noticed that most days your timeliness isn't too punctual. I understand that with a busy schedule it's hard to always make it on time, but I feel as though the kids would be less likely to slack off and take practice more seriously if they weren't left waiting for you. I also feel like a bit more organization with the practices wouldn't hurt- don't be afraid to enforce more strict discipline, us parents certainly understand. 

Highschool: The Prime Years

      Highschool is truly a gratifying and pleasant experience. One might ask what exactly makes the experience such a pleasant one. Well, let me tell you, it's our peers! There is nothing in the world I love more than being surrounded by hormonal teenagers. Their overall lack of compassion and moral is truly inspirational, and I hope to take after their examples sometime in the future when I am much more cool. Teenagers are gifted with the ability to judge people, and according to their friends, are spot on! Not only that, see that girl over there in the corner? They can decide she is totally weird and a loner, but with their amazing people skills can pull a fake nice act, then turn to their friends five minutes later and laugh about what a loser she is. How developed their understanding for people different than them is- they're so good at being diverse with their people skills!

     
      My favourite part about being surrounded by teenagers is their exciting stories. Why don't they talk even louder about how drunk they got last night, I don't think Alberta could hear them! Somehow they always know I am in the mood for listening to them talk about their favourite kind of booze and how hard they punched that one kid's face at that super cool party Saturday night. It is so rewarding seeing my peers making such mature and intelligent decisions in their lives, our age group is truly represented by some real gems.

      I am really sad about graduating. The fact that I'm never going to see these kids again is really upsetting, and I know I'm really going to miss them. Being around mature adults in the real world is going to be so disappointing, the unique ambiance created from being around teenagers is something that just can't be replicated. I'm going to miss being judged with such spot-on clarity and being pressured to succumb to conformity. After all, how will I ever be cool and successful without following the herd? Maybe one day I will learn to conform, since I am just aching and grasping for acceptance from my peers. They are just the kind of people I want to be around for the rest of my life- teenagers are just wonderful!

I'm Not a Tool for Listening to Tool, In Fact It Makes Me Awesome.

     Tool has always been recognized for their complex lyrics, and "Schism" is no exception. Riddled with tricky metaphors and sybolism, their songs are always a pleasure to analyze. The song begins with "I know the pieces fit, 'Cause I watched them fall away, Mildewed and smouldering", which uses effective diction to create imagery in the reader's head. The lines "...I watched them fall away, Mildewed and smouldering" creates the image of smouldering metaphorical 'pieces' falling away, setting a rather grim, macabre tone. The line "finding beauty in the dissonance" is ironic because generally one wouldn't consider dissonance, the conflict lack of harmony, to be something beautiful. "There was a time that the pieces fit, But I watched them fall away" is symbolism for how humanity once used to be connected and harmonious, but now in the modern world people lose touch with their humanity and the speaker has become aware of these changes. "Between supposed brothers, Between supposed lovers" is a parallel structure by because "between supposed" is used at the beginning of both lines. Lastly, "I know the pieces fit" is repeated eight times at the end of the poem, which is a fine example of repitition. Thanks to these final lines, we are aware that the pieces fit. Yet another musical masterpiece beautifully constructed and executed  by the musical geniuses known as Tool.

Schism

by Tool

I know the pieces fit
'Cause I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smouldering

Fundamental differing
Pure intention juxtaposed
Will set two lovers' souls in motion
Disintegrating as it goes
Testing our communication
The light that feuled our fire then
Has a burned a hole between us so
We cannot see to reach an end
Crippling our communication

I know the pieces fit
'Cause I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame
It doesn't mean I don't desire to
Point the finger, blame the other
Watch the temple topple over
To bring the pieces back together
Rediscover communication

The poetry
That comes from the squaring off between
And the circling is worth it
Finding beauty in the dissonance

There was a time that the pieces fit
But I watched them fall away

Mildewed and smouldering
Strangled by our coveting
I've done the math enough to know
The dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow
And strengthen our communication

Cold silence has
A tendency to
Atrophy any
Sense of compassion
Between supposed brothers
Between supposed lovers

I know the pieces fit
I know the pieces fit
I know the pieces fit
I know the pieces fit
I know the pieces fit
I know the pieces fit
I know the pieces fit
I know the pieces fit

"Writing dialogue is FUN!" I lied.

Phillip slowly became aware of his wife, Gerta, glaring at him through his peripheral vision.

     "What do you want," groaned Phillip.

     "I see you reading the classifieds. Stop looking for more cats to adopt," Gerta exclaimed, "we already have six".

     Phillip threw his arms up, "But why!"

     "I have had enough of cats! Our house smells and there is fur everywhere. You are ridiculous."

     "Look, I love cats okay. They are my favourite little soft balls of fur," mumbled a very disgruntled Phillip.

     "Honey," soothed Gerta, "I know you love them. But don't you think six is enough? You can hardly remember all their names."

     Phillip turned to his wife, "This is very important to me, Gerta. Cats are my life. They soothe my soul."

     "You're just being dramatic. I know you don't need more cats, you're just being greedy!"

     "How dare you say that! I want a divorce!" roared Phillip.

     "Good!" Gerta shouted. "I don't want to be married to a smelly cat man anyway!"

     "I'm going to own ten thousand cats and you won't be able to do anything about it. Good BYE, Gerta!" Phillip growled, hopping out of bed and storming off.

Bully Free, or Bully McGee?

           Princess Margaret Secondary School is situated in the beautiful Okanagan Valley in British Columbia, Canada. A small community-oriented school, only about 700 students attend. Almost everybody knows everybody, and a large portion of the students have grown up together. It has been pondered as to whether or not this school is subject to bullying cases, but that is up to the students to decide.

          A grade 12 student at the school, Kristen Warnock, screamed and ran away when questioned about bullying at her school. It is apparent she was either very bullied and scared, or very guilty. Chelsea White, another grade 12 student, was more eager to share her experiences. "I get beaten every day. My friends greet me by shoving me into a locker or pushing me down the stairs. It breaks my heart to be treated so harshly, but there's nothing I can do about it because they said if I reveal their names they will kill me." When questioned about her classmates' experiences with bullying, she simply shook her head and quickly rushed off.

         It can be assumed that from students' reactions to the questions, bullying runs rampant in Princess Margaret. Evidently, not much is being done to stop the madness. It can only be hoped that one day, teenagers will be less disgusting and less likely to take their insecurities out on their fellow peers. The world is waiting for change, Princess Margaret, are you ready to face that challenge?

   

The best college application ever

I am complex. So complex, in fact, that people have been known to combust merely thinking about me. Zeus himself couldn't muster up the knowledge to even begin to explain just who I am. People don't mess with me.

I wasn't born; I bore myself. People call Voldemort 'he who shall not be named', yeah right, say hello to 'she who shall not be named'. I spent 224 days on the couch watching Friends re-runs, literally not getting up once. I am the alpha of a pack of wolves. We travel through the snowy plains of Canada devouring entire villages briefly after setting them on fire with our wolf fire breath. I make Chuck Norris pee his pants in fear. Who sunk Atlantis? This girl. People pay me money to look at me. Stare into my eyes for long enough and you'll burst into flames. It rains when I tell it to, the weather doesn't dare mess with me.

I actually painted the Mona Lisa. I walk away from explosions without looking back. Typhoons? No skin off my back. Hurricanes? No big. Tsunamis? Give me a break. Don't even get me started on earthquakes. That stuff is child's play. I could end the world if I wanted to, but this is the only planet with cats. I am the master of Twitter. 6,890 tweets in a day is my record. Not only do I follow people on Twitter, but I follow them in real life too. For a brief amount of time, I was the captain of the S.S. Enterprise. I shoplifted immortality from Satan's trading post.

With one leap I flew into space. With one breath I provided Mars with enough oxygen to sustain as much life as Earth. On my spare time I help manatees in Africa give birth. I invented the guitar in my sleep. I own a house in Norway that contains six hundred and sixty six cats.

Before you rush to send me my acceptance letter, don't forget to include a cheque. People pay me to attend their institutions. $40,000 a year will do. You're welcome for my time, and I'll see you soon.

A really not boring blog post so give me an A.

High school. The mere mention of the merciless prison makes Satan quiver in his booties. "You must go." he whispers. "You must experience this first hand and tell me what it's like."
I groan. Why do I always have to be the one to go suffer through these terrible Earth customs?
"If you go, I'll buy you a kitten." Drat. The temptation is too much.
"I'll go. Don't expect me to like it." I sigh as I catch sight of Satan's accomplished, toothy grin. For as long as I can remember, I've been a sort of double agent for the infernal guy. I've been sent up to the mortal world to do numerous things, but nothing quite as terrifying as this. I set out on my terrifying mission.
"Be home for dinner," he called, "I'm making pasta and steamed broccoli!"
I do a dance that kind of mimics the hokie pokie, and in a flash, there I am. Surrounded by smelly, sweaty teenagers, I already feel repulsed. The cliques and general pretentiousness of half the kids is enough to make one feel alienated, so I continue on my way.
It's 11:24 am, and I leave my second class. I'm already exhausted. My brain hurts, my eyes are sore, and I swear I fell asleep about 3 times. Not to mention some of the kids are so incredibly rude I'm just about ready to rip someone's head off.
I take a seat in the old, chipped desk in the classroom of my third class of the day. Almost at my breaking point, I am not a force to be reckoned with. The teacher comes in and spouts some more dull, useless nonsense, and I just lose it. I stand up, stomp my feet a few times, whip my arms around, and engulf the entire school in a sea of fire. Quickly, I warp back home. The smell of burning flesh and eternal damnation fills me with much glee and familiarity. I hop over to the kitchen and see Satan busy at work cooking a delicious meal. Frantically, I run over to him and he puts his arm around my shoulder, giving me a curious expression.
"Satan, it was HELL up there!"